Things you shouldn't say in a tenure-track job interview. Cartoons by Kerry Soper.
Any openings in the custodial staff? Do benefits include long-term therapy? I'm a the Jesse Ventura of gender studies?
I'm neoconservative, radical deconstructionist ... or whatever. My 700-page dissertation is on the teletubbies. I make a tradition of daily hugs.
I could teach that one chick Willa Catheter or something. Besides an A.B.D. I am also an A.D.D. Does health insurance cover spastic colon?
Ronald Reagan inspired by theory. Publish or perism is a crock, right? Please, I'm begging you to give me this stinking job.

Copyright © Chronicle of Higher Education
December 17, 1999
Section: Opinion & Arts
Page: A68 Section